January 31,1987

29 years  ago today I married  the love of my life Michelle Gersh  , my inspiration  and indeed my foundation .

How   could I let that  all get away?

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Shelly, I wish things  were  different  and that you felt differently  than you do.
We found each other  more  than  one  time in our lives  because  of  both  of  our abilities  to forgive and forget  and never hold a grudge .
I miss  you  and nove  you Michelle on every day but especially today.

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The Very First Time I Looked At You

August 14

Since the very first time I looked at you so many years ago, that is all that I can do. I guess shame on me for not ever opening up my soul to for how I felt but as the years went on and the commitments made together always had me feel you kind of understood.Michelle Gersh

Even if you did, it should have been something I said to you every day of our lives together.

I just wish you knew hoe I felt then and now. Time has not changed anything other than my hope to stand on the tallest mountain and sing it to the world.

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I wish we could start all over again so you would know in every breathing moment that you are so loved.

You Are The Foundation Of My Life

Letters To Michelle

Michelle, you were who I built my whole world around. Shelly you were the sun in my day, the moon in my life, the spring in my step, the beat of my heart and the love of my life.  You are my everything I loved you with everything I am.

I spent my life looking for that someone who made me feel the way you did.

You may think today that you don’t need me and though I wish that were not the case I think we need each other. Shelly you are my foundation. 

I never wanted you to change who you were, it was you who I fell in love with.

I know strength, peace and tranquility could come back to my life with you.

Shelly you were and are the foundation of our family, a family I find myself on the outside looking in. Nothing, nothing…

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Michelle,What More Can I Do?

Michelle GershI trust you with every facet of my life, an open book. In the end, it may appear as it was a mistake, but I will never believe it.Michelle Gersh

Shelly, you are the one.…. the one you wait forever for.

I spend every awake moment trying to have you believe me and as each day goes by the disdain is worsened. I am sorry for the way things are, truly sorry. I am trying to make things better and cannot at this point….. though I will never give up because righting that part is the only way to fix anything else. Just please don’t give up on me.

Shelly, you’re all that matters,

 

Anything Is Possible

I believe I know you and I want to so badly believe that things just spiraled out of control to the point where we all lost control of things.

Michelle GershWe built a life together, we bought a home together and raised a family of our own, you and me. Just you and me, then Mike, Alana and of course our Jojo.

I know now what a first class —– I was along the way. You hid it so well, the hurt and the pain . Smiling and laughing on the outside while you must have been crying inside.

I am so so sorry. I so need you to believe during it all, I loved you so so much. I can’t tell you how I miss you.

Michelle GershMy quiet beautiful angel and beacon with the strongest hug in the world that made me feel invincible.

I know I messed up our life. But our kids………..

I loved your life and your family and wanted so badly to be a part of it.

Why are things the way they are ?

I accept 100% of the blame for everything.

Why was I outcast like a nobody? When does the hatred end Michelle? When we held our children and brought each one of them home , was this the planned outcome ?

You always preached to me to live and enjoy the  moment. I cannot answer you as to why I ignored those simple brilliant words. But now, as there are no moments anymore, oh how I miss those moments.

I love our children and have so much since each of them brightened our world.

Shelly, I am sorry. A million times over I am sorry and sorry and even sorrier.

Shelly, what can I say ? I need you. Always have and always will.Michelle Gersh

You can ignore me. You can think that our kids will come around in time when you and I both know this will never happen without your consent and blessing.

When can I be forgiven for my mistakes?

You know there can be only peace in my life when each of you have forgiven me for my mistakes.

Let me wash away all the pain I have caused. Michelle, though the hugs from Alana may have been few and far between but the moments together, watching a TV show, a game, a movie were pure magic for me.Alana Brooke

How can anyone get through life without it? I know I can’t.

Michelle GershShelly, as much as anyone, don’t you think Alana could use her father in her world? Don’t you think Jojo could use his Dad in his world?Jordan Soumas

Shelly I so need you to dig deep and remember the good.

Shelly, just one last time, one last time, believe in me. For you, for our kids and for me.

You will never be sorry for a decision I hope somehow you come to.

I love you, need you, miss you and above all, respect you.

I do not have anything else but love to give and a chance to honor you with a lifetime and love, cherishing and appreciation.

I would like to wake up just one day in my life feeling good about myself and the people around me.

Shelly please don’t judge me by my past, I don’t live there anymore.

My greatest wish for my life is that our children can understand how much I love them and that for the rest of my life they can know and believe there are two parents there for them.

For us Shelly, I wish you could remember the laughs and the smiles. Michelle GershThe best portion of my life will always remain the small nameless moments spent smiling with you. Just staring at you omniscient beauty and saying to myself, I am the luckiest man on the planet.

I read that the best things in life come to those who don’t give up. Shelly, I love you  and always will. Please don’t give up on me.Michelle Gersh

Shelly, home is not a place, but a feeling.

Time is never measured by a clock but by moments.

Heartbeats are not heard but are felt and shared.

Michelle GershShelly I will always care for you even if we’re not together and I think of you even more now because we are apart.

If you can believe in me anything is possible.